In the age of social media, it’s easy to feel inadequate. Our feeds are filled to the brim with curated success stories: celebrities flaunting wealth, influencers showcasing glamorous events, students flexing idealized lifestyles, etc. Social media algorithms relentlessly push these images, giving us a warped sense of reality. However, what’s often missing from the picture are the failures, the struggles, and the countless attempts that didn’t make the cut. As a society, we’ve decided that failure isn’t worth documenting. While some creators have carved out niches by sharing the unpolished parts of life, the overwhelming majority still choose to present a filtered, glamorized version of success.

Why are we so obsessed with success in the first place? Because it feels like validation: proof that our choices, struggles, and sacrifices were worth it. Ask anyone what they hope to accomplish in life, and they’ll describe a goal rooted in success: becoming a painter, making it to the NBA, learning how to dance. However, rarely will someone say that they want to fail in life. To most people, failure feels like defeat.

However, failure is not a bad thing! We’ve been conditioned to view failure as a sign of weakness, when in reality, it’s one of the most powerful tools for growth. Rejection is just redirection. It teaches us just as much, if not more, than success ever could.

For the longest time, I used to think that failure meant I wasn’t good enough. My parents had high expectations for my siblings and I. Straight As were the norm, and being the best wasn’t a goal but a requirement. Mediocre results were met with disdain. My dad even tried to pull me from my soccer team, despite the fact that I was team captain, because he didn’t think I’d go pro. He believed I should focus solely on school because it would lead to a better future for me.

Ultimately, this mindset of thinking that results are everything is very dangerous. It wires us to believe that experiences are only valuable if they produce visible success. But that’s not how life works. You need room to experiment, to stumble, and to fail. Without that, you grow risk-averse. You stop trying new things. You settle for what’s safe and, ultimately, for what’s unfulfilling. Failing early and failing often can actually be the best things to happen to you. Why?

1. Failing early saves time. You learn quickly what’s not for you and pivot before investing too much energy in the wrong direction.
2. Failing frequently builds perspective. You gain knowledge across different areas, become more adaptable, and understand that failure is part of the process — not a detour from it.

However, there is one caveat to failure: failing without reflection is just a missed opportunity. Oftentimes, people will encounter failure in life and chalk it up to just that—life. However, a better perspective would be to ruminate on the failure and evaluate in multiple ways. Here’s a simple framework you can use every time you fall short:

1. What was within my control in this situation?
2. What was out of my control in this situation?
3.  What did I learn from this failure?
4. How can I utilize this failure going forward?

Let’s run through a scenario so I can demonstrate how this framework can be exercised: 

You forgot to buy a gift for your Mother on Mother’s Day

What was within my control in this situation? – This question allows you to take blame and evaluate what aspects of the situation you could’ve change. Did you buy the gift too late? Did you forget what day Mother’s Day fell on? Pinpointing your downfalls that led to your failure should always be the first step. You will learn why your approach wasn’t a good fit and it will serve as good ammunition for future situations. If you can control something, you should actively evaluate how much power you hold in controlling that situation.

What was out of my control in this situation? – This question allows you to quantify what parts of your plan is impossible to control. Was the product damaged upon delivery? Were you in a coma for the past month and woke up the day after Mother’s Day? Sometimes, the world is cruel and things are out of your control. It’s best not to dwell too long on factors that you can’t control because again this isn’t something that you could change even if you wanted to. All you can do is acknowledge that luck was not in your favor that day and move on.  

What did I learn from this failure? – This question allows us to come to a concise summary on our situation. Did you learn the hardships of planning? Did you learn the difficulty in finding a perfect gift? Did you figure out how delivery services work? Coming to a conclusion on what did and didn’t go wrong in the events leading up to your failure gives us a good summary of the situation. We evaluate the pros and cons of this failure and through that we develop a solution to our issues.

How can I utilize this failure going forward? – This question allows us to improve as a person and adapt given what we’ve learned. Did you learn the difficulty of finding a gift? Did you learn the inconsistency of shipping services? In the future, if we encounter this situation again, we are well-equipped to succeed the next time. Even if we don’t encounter this situation again, we can still abide by the lessons we’ve learned. Gathering knowledge is the special power you obtain through your failures

Think of your failures as a sack of flour. Alone, it’s messy, heavy, and not very useful. But when you add effort, patience, and thoughtfulness, that flour transforms. It can become bread that nourishes, cake that delights, or pasta that sustains. Your failures are the same. Left untouched, they’re just baggage. But when you mix in reflection, self-awareness, and a desire to improve, they become the base of something beautiful. No great baker makes a masterpiece without first making a mess. And no one builds a meaningful life without stumbling along the way.

The real value isn’t in the failure itself, but in how deeply you reflect on it. Failure becomes a powerful teacher when you stop and examine what went wrong, what you missed, and what can be done better next time. Over time, enough thoughtful failures stack up into wisdom, resilience, and eventually breakthrough moments of brilliance. Thus, don’t fear failure; fear standing still. Playing it safe may keep you comfortable, but it rarely leads to growth. Embrace failure as a part of the journey rather than the ending. The more willing you are to fail, the more prepared you become to succeed — not by accident, but by design.

Fail often, reflect carefully, and accelerate forward!